I'm tired. For almost two weeks I've been roaming this city like a hungry cat. Dragging my feet, my bags and weary self through the streets, sniffing out comfortable corners and wriggling my way into potential floors, couches and beds..
I smell..I'm tired, really tired and I feel desperate.
Day to day has been a focus on finding a place to sleep for the night. I've crashed on couches and floors. Sleeping on park benches to make up for the lack of sleep trawling bars or pubs in the late evenings.
I feel like a hunter...and it all sounds so melodramatic..but it's true! Sleep is ALL I think about!
It's all subjective, obviously I have friends who don't want me on the street and contacts and places to stay..but still, I have this tangible feeling of aloneness..I'm rootless..and unloved.
Of course, it's crazy because in actuality I AM wanted, cared about! This state is self-created and can be stopped anytime, but now, right now, I feel alone. Miserable. And it seems I've stopped looking after myself.
Since I don't want friends or people who know me well to know I'm in the midst of a bizarre experiment, I haven't had much contact with friends, except a surprise here and there to ask for a shower. I've been sitting outside apartments waiting for hours until someone comes how from work, simply to take a shower in their house. I've been sleeping above cafes and restaurants (hidden from staff) or using friends couches to crash out in.
I'm tired and never want to be homeless again.
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